Uninvited prayer

Lord, You are teaching me so much about trusting You. Fully. Completely. Without suggestions or projections. I'm choosing to embrace the very next thing You show me. I'll take this first step. And then I'll take the next. 

I finally understand that I don't have to fully understand each thing that happens for me to trust You. I don't have to try and figure it out, control it, or even like it, for that matter. In the midst of uncertainties, I will just stand and say, "I trust You, Lord." 

I visualize me taking my fear of rejection from my incapable clutched and placing my trust in Your full capability. And as I do, I make this all less about me and more about you. I replace my fragile efforts to control with Your fortified realities. 

You are the perfect match for my every need. 

I am weak. You are strength. 

I am unable. You are capability. 

I am hesitant. You are assurance. 

I am desperate. You are fulfillment.

I am confused. You are confidence. 

I am tired. You are rejuvenation. 

Though the long path is uncertain, You are so faithful to shed just enough light for me to see the very next step. I now understand this isn't You being mysterious. This is a great demonstration of Your mercy. 

Too much revelation and I'd pridefully run ahead of You. Too little and I'd be paralyzed with fear. 

So, I'm seeking slivers of light in Your Truth just for today and filling the gaps of my unknown with trust. 

From the Uninvited book

Not the destiny of my future

Lately I've been reading Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. That book title could be the title of my current season because that is how I feel. Every. Single. Day. Rejected. Alone. Unloved. And yet. God has chosen me. He promised to never leave me alone. He loves me with a love that I can't even begin to comprehend. And I came across a quote and then prayer toward the end of the book that could've been ripped from the pages of my journal because it just so clearly expresses the cry of my heart these days. I hope you read it, take a deep breath and say "Amen!" along with me.

"If I really believed that God's healing is more powerful than any hurt the world could ever hand me, I could trust God. I could trust His plans. I could move forward by saying, 'Yet not what I will, but what You will'....

....Yet not what I will, but what you will.

I trust that in all these things, Your will is good. I can trust You even when I don't understand. I cannot fully trust You while still holding on to things that made me question You. I have to let those things go.

You so clearly promise when I am blinded by the dark realities, You will guide me. You will guide me to the spiritual help I need. But You will also guide me to the emotional and physical help I need. Help me see Your provisions and be humble enough to receive them. You will make the rough places smooth. You will do these things and will never forsake me.

You have said, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them" (Isaiah 42:16).

You say Your Word is sharper than a double-edged sword. So I cut these ties from my soul with the precise edge of Your truth.

I was abandoned. That is a fact from my past, but it is not the destiny of my future.

I was rejected. That is a fact from my past, but it is not the destiny of my future.

I was hurt. That is a fact from my past, but it is not the destiny of my future.

I was left out. That is a fact from my past, but it is not the destiny of my future.

I was brokenhearted. That is a fact from my past, but it is not the destiny of my future.

Heartbreaking seasons can certainly grow me but were never meant to define me. I let go of the hurt and embrace the growth the minute I'm able to say, 'Yet not what I will, but what You will.'"

In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray these words. Amen and amen!!

Excerpt from Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst

Confession

"Confession is not complaining...confession is not blaming...confession is a radical reliance on grace. If our understanding of grace is small, our confession will be small: reluctant, hesitant, hedged with excuses and qualifications, full of fear and punishment. But great grace creates an honest confession."

~ Grace by Max Lucado

Easy vs. Good

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
~Micah 6:8 NIV

Often we choose the easy reaction over the good reaction. It can be easier to stuff away your emotions rather than being honest with someone. It can be easier to explode at someone rather than taking a deep breath & calmly explaining your feelings. Remember, our goal is soul integrity which involves honest with godliness.

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously -
take God seriously.
~Micah 6:8 Message

Inspired by Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries

Boldness needed

A thought for today:

"If anything is needed in Christian witness today, it is boldness. We don't need bigger music ministries, longer prayer walks or nicer church foyers. We need boldness - wise boldness, gracious boldness, boldness rooted in the hope that we have in the gospel, boldness mixed with love, but boldness nonetheless."

Marks of the Messenger by Mack Stiles

The Call

A book review of The Call: : Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life by Os Guinness

“Are you looking for purpose in life? For a purpose big enough to absorb every ounce of your attention, deep enough to plumb every mystery of your passions, and lasting enough to inspire you to your last breath?” So begins The Call: Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life by Os Guinness – a book that plumbs the depths of what it means to be called by the Caller.

“Calling is the truth that God calls us to himself so decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion and dynamism lived out as a response to his summons and service.” Guinness is clear from beginning to end that there is no call without a Caller. And similarly, without a Caller, there is no calling, only work. But he is quick to remind us, “it is simply ludicrous to pretend that all our work is exciting, fulfilling, and profitable. Much work is drudgery, and there is no getting away from it. It simply has to be done.” In the drudgery, our calling is refined. In the day to day stuff of life, we learn to cling to our Caller. “He requires our obedience in the routine, the unseen, and the thankless.”
It often takes effort to clearly understand our calling. In fact, “in many cases a clear sense of calling comes only through a time of searching, including trial and error.” In the chaos of the modern world, we hear many voices calling for our attention. Many people will offer their opinion on what our “calling” ought to entail. And if we give in to the temptation to listen to these other voices, we lose sight of the One that we serve. “Living before the Audience of One transforms all our endeavors….the greatest deeds are done before the Audience of One, and that is enough. Those who are seen and sung by the Audience of One can afford to be careless about lesser audiences.” Living for an Audience of One releases us from the pressure to perform for or impress others.

The Call contains many warnings and exhortations about the necessity of making a choice – we can choose whether or not to respond to the call. It’s not just a one time choice, but a daily choice that we make. “Human identity is neither fixed nor final in this life. It is incomplete. As such we may refuse the call and remain stunted – unresponsive and irresponsible. Or we may respond to the call and rise to become the magnificent creatures only one Caller can call us to be.” Each day as we make that choice to respond to our Caller, we are also choosing to say no to the demands of this world. However, it’s not just the demands of the world we have to turn down. Quoting Oswald Chambers, Guinness warns, “beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him….the one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him.” Sometimes it’s the ‘good’ things in life that distract us from our ultimate call – to be with Jesus.

Guinness offers blunt and seemingly painful observations of the church and how we have distorted calling. “The problem with Western Christians is not that they aren’t where they should be but that they aren’t what they should be where they are.” And he poses this question to the church: “If so many of us profess to live by the gospel yet are so pathetically marginal to the life of our societies and so nondescript and inconsequential in our individual lives, is there something wrong with the gospel, or does the problem lie with us?” Again and again, he challenges the church to redefine calling, to redefine what we are building our lives around, and to redefine even our very lives. “Personally summoned by the Creator of the universe, we are given a meaning in what we do that flames over every second and inch of our lives. Challenged, inspired, rebuked, and encouraged by God’s call, we cannot for a moment settle down to the comfortable, the mediocre, the banal, and the boring. The call is always to the higher, the deeper, and the farther.”

Finally Guinness concludes with a glimpse of our Last Call which takes us home. “The Last Call of death is a termination from the secular perspective, but from the spiritual perspective it is the culmination of life. After a lifetime of journeying, we are arriving home. After all the years of hearing only the voice, we are about to see the face and feel the arms. The Caller is our Father and the Last Call is the call home.”

“Until that day comes, our task is to keep on and to keep on keeping on.”

A doctor and a preacher

I was recently introduced to the writings of a man by the name of Walter L. Wilson. I'm currently reading his book called "The Romance of a Doctor's Visits." It is full of stories which makes it easy to read. I am about halfway through the book and already I have been so blessed by this man. There are many quotes that I could draw out but just a few that I want to note here and perhaps add a comment after some of them.

"How often people make the mistake of believing the facts without applying them to their own hearts! To acknowledge the truth of the gospel is not sufficient; it must be applied to the soul and accepted personally in order to have value. The fact that Christ is a wonderful Saviour is a blessed truth. Each one, however, must come to Him personally and accept Him as his own personal Lord and Saviour (John 1:12). To believe that a doctor is able to prescribe the proper remedy is only to acknowledge the truth of the facts. To engage that doctor to handle your own case, and to take charge of you and your disease, brings the application of the facts to your own life. Do not miss heaven by missing the Saviour!"

This quote was like an "ah ha" moment for me. How often have I written about the disconnect that seems to exist between my head and heart! Sometimes I struggle with knowing something in my head but not being able to apply it to my heart. Take trusting God fully in a situation. I know in my head that God is trustworthy. But I don't always live that out in the choices that I make because I haven't embraced that truth with my heart. I must choose to apply the truth of God to my life.

"I could see the Christian nurse off to one side, quietly praying that the Lord would do a good work in the heart of her friend. How blessed it is that we may help the soul winner by prayer and so have a part in the harvest!"

Amen! There have been times when I see a friend praying with someone or having a deep conversation and I feel at a loss as to what to do. So I pray. I pray for those people that God would work mightily in the midst of that conversation or prayer. And here we are encouraged to support the soul winner in prayer.

"Would you prefer to go by your feelings in the matter, or would you be willing to believe what the Word of God says about it?"

Now here is a quote I ought to paint in big letters on my bedroom wall! How often have I chosen to go with my feelings rather than the truth of God's Word? Sadly, more than I care to remember. The Word of God is steady and unchanging. My emotions are not. I am much better off when I believe the Word of God.

"I asked the Holy Spirit for the privilege of being His channel that day, so that some heart might be reached by His message and brought to the Lord Jesus Christ."

I want this to be my prayer each day.

"I suggested to him that we slow down the car, for it would be better to be late for the train than early across the 'divide.'"

Hahaha...I just thought this was kind of funny...

And these last three quotes caused me to pause and think...

"It is indeed a blessed sight to see the Word of God taking hold of a human heart, bringing conviction and then turning that heart to Jesus Christ."

"The Word of God tells the Truth of God, and does the Work of God."

"Give the Lord not only your soul to save and keep, but your life to preserve and make fruitful."

The Shack

It took me awhile to hear about this book but once I did, it seems like I hear about it from all sorts of places now. I first heard about The Shack from a coworker and borrowed the book from him. I read it pretty quickly and really enjoyed it. I think it could revolutionize the way some people view the Holy Trinity. It might also cause others to reconsider some of their assumptions about God's nature. I have decided to read the book again and am currently making my way through it a bit slower this time around. I would recommend you read it if you haven't.

Some of my favorite quotes:
"Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship."

"You don't play a game or color a picture with a child to show your superiority. Rather, you choose to limit yourself so as to facilitate and honor that relationship."

"Faith does not grow in the house of certainty."

"If anything matters, then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."

"Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God, but only he who sees takes off his shoes; the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries."

A notable quote

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love."
~ Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter 7: The Deathly Hallows

Numbers

2500+ miles driven
6 states
dozens of friends
4 generations of family
5 different houses I stayed at

7 - the Harry Potter book that I read
4 - the number of new books I purchased while traveling
1 - the number of books read while on vacation
171 - the number of emails I had waiting for me at work when I returned

It's been quite the journey. I loved having the opportunity to visit friends, to see family I haven't seen in awhile and to drive through some beautiful areas. It's good to be home though and be able to sleep in my own bed!

Book-aholic

I love to read! This summer I've discovered that when I'm stressed or lonely, I can pick up a novel and get lost in that world for awhile and it helps me not to be so focused on my problems. It really has proven to be a good stress reliever. Right now I'm ready a series of six novels about these seven kids who grew up in an orphanage. As teens, they "adopted" each other, changed their last names and became a family. It's lighthearted reading but I'm enjoying it.

I'd really like to read Harry Potter 7! In fact, I'd love to just start from the beginning and read all 7 of them in a row.

God's Debris

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert comics, wrote a book in 2001 called God's Debris. He calls it a "thought experiment". It sure made me think as I read through it. I found places where I could easily disagree with what I read but in other places I had to stop and question myself. It's a bit long but well worth the read. And it moves quickly.

If you read it and want to discuss it, let me know. Adams suggests that one share this "with a smart friend and then discuss it while enjoying a tasty beverage." Sounds good to me.

Is it well?

I am reading a book right now called Peace Like A River, a captivating book really (which I will discuss in a later post when I have finished reading it). Every time I see the cover or even think about the book, I find myself breaking into song, "It Is Well With My Soul."

Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

A couple years ago, I joined a Sunday school class for people 60+. It began as a project for grad school but I enjoyed being there so much that I continued to attend for nearly a year. One series that I particularly enjoyed was about hymns and their history. "It Is Well With My Soul" was one of the hymns that we studied.

Here is that story (with help from Wikipedia): the author of this hymn, Horatio Spafford, had two major events take place within just a couple of years of each other. The first was the great Chi­ca­go Fire in late 1871, which ru­ined him fi­nan­cial­ly (he had been a weal­thy bus­i­ness­man).

Hardly two years later, a greater tragedy struck. In 1873 his four daughters where lost when their ship, bound for Europe, collided with another in Mid-atlantic, and sank almost immediately. A lifeboat spotted Mrs Spafford and she was rescued. When she arrived in Britain, with the rest of the survivors, she sent her husband this brief, but telling message: 'SAVED ALONE.'

The words struck Horatio Spafford with full force and plunged him into deep sorrow. The great American evangelist D.L. Moody and his associate, singer Ira D. Sankey, were conducting a campaign in Edinburgh at the time. They were personal friends of the Spaffords and came down to London to give whatever help and comfort they could. They found their friends in surprisingly good spirits, strong in faith and able to say through their tears, 'It is well; the will of God be done.'

Three years after that tragedy, Spafford wrote his hymn "It Is Well With My Soul", in memory of his four precious daughters. Happily each of them had personally received Jesus Christ as Savior before embarking on that fateful voyage.
---------------------------------------------------------------
How would I react if I had faced those circumstances? Would I be able to say, "It is well with my soul"? Have I put my trust in the Sovereign God who will sustain me through such experiences?

Is it well with my soul even now when my life is relatively at peace?

I pray that regardless of the events of my life, I will be able to say with Horatio Spafford...

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

The History of Love

This is a great book! I read it for the contemporary fiction book group that I go to once a month. The author, Nicole Krauss, draws you in from the beginning and you find yourself taken through two seemingly unrelated stories until about halfway through when you start to see some connections. As the story wraps up and you have an ending in mind, suddenly she hits you with a revelation that throws you for a loop and messes up everything you thought you knew. I heartily recommend this book!

Perhaps I'm not explaining it that well. Here's a review that I found from Amazon: Nicole Krauss's The History of Love is a hauntingly beautiful novel about two characters whose lives are woven together in such complex ways that even after the last page is turned, the reader is left to wonder what really happened. In the hands of a less gifted writer, unraveling this tangled web could easily give way to complete chaos. However, under Krauss's watchful eye, these twists and turns only strengthen the impact of this enchanting book.

The History of Love spans of period of over 60 years and takes readers from Nazi-occupied Eastern Europe to present day Brighton Beach. At the center of each main character's psyche is the issue of loneliness, and the need to fill a void left empty by lost love. Leo Gursky is a retired locksmith who immigrates to New York after escaping SS officers in his native Poland, only to spend the last stage of his life terrified that no one will notice when he dies. ("I try to make a point of being seen. Sometimes when I'm out, I'll buy a juice even though I'm not thirsty.") Fourteen-year-old Alma Singer vacillates between wanting to memorialize her dead father and finding a way to lift her mother's veil of depression. At the same time, she's trying to save her brother Bird, who is convinced he may be the Messiah, from becoming a 10-year-old social pariah. As the connection between Leo and Alma is slowly unmasked, the desperation, along with the potential for salvation, of this unique pair is also revealed.

The poetry of her prose, along with an uncanny ability to embody two completely original characters, is what makes Krauss an expert at her craft. But in the end, it's the absolute belief in the uninteruption of love that makes this novel a pleasure, and a wonder to behold.

Open the book

Saw this on marko's blog:
The rules are:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest!

Well, I am sitting here at work and the closest thing to me is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which I've been meaning to read for awhile but just haven't gotten around to. It was recommended to me by my previous boss when I mentioned to him that I was struggling with time management.

Let's see, page 123, 5th sentence.....
"We are limited, but we can push back the borders of our limitations."

This comes in the midst of habit 2: begin with the end in mind. Interesting....