World Cancer Day

Today is World Cancer Day. You might already know this if you saw this commercial during the Super Bowl. I teared up when I saw it. Somehow it seems appropriate since today is also one year since I was told that I had cancer. February 4, 2013 was a strange day....the somber phone call from a nurse asking me to come in to their office immediately....going in alone because I had no clue what they were about to tell me....laughing with the nurses because I was having a good day....not understanding why they asked if I was okay because they thought I was "handling the news awfully well".....being sent to the hospital for additional tests.....feeling like a ton of bricks dropped on me when the news finally sank in that I would owe thousands of dollars after all the surgeries were done....sobbing in my friend Katie's arms because all I could think about was the additional debt I would be accruing....not fully grasping what I would face in the days to follow. It was a strange, surreal day. But one I don't think I'll ever forget.

 

Three months after I was told that I was CANCER FREE, I wrote a post on my blog about the array of emotions that can swallow you when you face trouble….shock….fear….anger….powerlessness….loneliness. But there was one emotion that I was surprised by, one that didn’t come until later….compassion. It’s a compassion that overwhelms me, that sometimes takes my breath away, that brings me to tears at the most random times….like now, as I write this.

 

Compassion for those facing their own troubles, whether it’s cancer or something else, no matter how big or small that trouble may seem.

Compassion for those who face pain on a daily basis.

Compassion for those who go to one doctor appointment after another.

Compassion for those who struggle to smile and just want someone to hold their hand.

 

Just last night, I was messaging with someone who has been going to lots of appointments, has lived with daily pain for far too long and who has dealt that frustration of not getting the answers they need or getting conflicting answers and still has a surgery to face next week…and while our conversation revolved around other things, I was in tears for this person as I thought of all they had faced in their journey to total healing.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 reads, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. In fact, most days, I have more questions than answers. So today, I count my blessings and I thank God for the healing He has brought to my body. I want to rejoice and jump up and down. I want to celebrate! But at the same time, I want to curl up and cry. So I allow myself to feel the sadness too. The weight that comes with compassion. Whatever trouble you may be facing, friend, know that you are not alone. I know that some days seem like it’s just too much and you can’t take one more thing. You may feel like no one understands and you face this giant alone. You may want to curl up and cry and that’s okay too. But know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a God who is right there with you, who collects your tears, every single one.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~Psalm 56:8

And He often brings people into our lives to journey with us in the mess. To sit beside us and hold our hand when words just don’t come. To offer hugs when you need “Jesus with skin on”. To listen to you vent about your day. To pray for you and over you. To just be there.

 

So on this “World Cancer Day” – my question is this….who can you be there for? What trouble have you faced that now gives you compassion for others? How can you be “Jesus with skin on” to someone who is hurting? Just a thought….

Ramblings

I was just about to crawl into bed when I remembered that I had not written my 500 words for today.  I have thought about it and even formulated a few ideas but had not gotten around to the actual writing part. But now here I sit at the end of the day and I am lacking in ideas. So do I write 500 words about not having any words? That will definitely entertain people. Or not.

I hung out with a friend this afternoon and we talked a lot about God. Then tonight another friend called me and we talked for nearly 3 hours and the conversation kept coming back to God again and again. In both instances, our faith is important to us and so it naturally was coming up in conversation. Maybe when you are trying to determine what is truly important to you or what you are passionate about, then you should listen to yourself speak. What topics come up again and again? What gets you excited? What do you feel like you could talk about over and over and still have more to say? Interesting thoughts….

One topic that came up in my phone call tonight was how we both desire greater boldness in our faith, to share with other what God has done for us. But then my friend made a good point. He said that we also need to remember that we can share a lot through our actions even when we do not get to speak a lot of words. He shared a story of working on a project with a guy and towards the end of their time the guy asked if he went to church. He just sensed through my friend’s actions that there was something different about him and perhaps it was a church thing. This opened a door for my friend to talk to him further. And that got me thinking about how often I get asked about why I am so happy and optimistic. I was not talking about my faith, but I was going about my job with joy and that has caused some people to stop and wonder what was going on. Good conversation gets me thinking. And last night I had dinner with a friend that turned into a 5 hour talk session that was so good for my heart. The funny thing is that I was supposed to go out of town this weekend to see friends up north but it started snowing and I did not want to drive in it. So I found myself at home with a completely free weekend.  And a long weekend at that since Monday is a holiday. But I’ve already had 3 great interactions with friends and I still have two more days off! What a blessing this is!

I read a status of Facebook that asked the question, “Tired of experiencing confusion, disappointment, heartache, and turmoil?” Um….yes. I’ve had a little too much of all of those emotions over the past month and I am sure ready to be done with all of them. The conversations that I have had with friends so far this weekend have certainly helped. And now that I’ve rambled for over 500 words, I feel even better. Hahaha….

(548 words)

Monday meanderings

Today I have a procedure on my back.  It's supposed to be a very minor and a quick recovery.  I'm really tired.  I long for more sleep.  Sometimes the melatonin helps...except for the part where I wake up groggy.  Other nights are full of tossing and turning.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ~Ephesian 6:10-18

Without the melatonin, I lay awake for hours as fear and anxiety grips me.  Saturday night I was reading this passage and praying through it.  I turned on worship music and tried to tune out the lies of the enemy.  Why does the anxiety and fear hit the most at night?  Why is it easier to remain calm and at peace during the day?  I don't understand.

Monday Meanderings

~ I need to get more sleep so I don't start my days so groggy.

~ Friendships are complicated and yet beautiful parts of our lives. I find myself grateful for the friendships in my life and prompted to spend more time on some of those relationships to deepen what we have.

~ Effective time management is not a great strength of mine.

~ It seems like this time of year, I am always cold. That is not a complaint, simply a statement of fact.

~ Even though there's a sticker in the corner of my windshield, it's still hard for me to remember to get an oil change. Do you believe the sticker and go every 3,000 miles or do you wait until 5,000 miles? Seems like everyone has a different opinion.

~ I miss running and yet I'm having so much trouble making time to get to the gym.

~ Related to the above statement: I am much to busy but can't figure out what to cut out of my life. So many people that I love and want to hang out with.

Monday meanderings: Realizations

I've come to realize that my job...
...is fascinating to me but sometimes hard to explain to others.

 

I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
...I tend to zone out and not fully register how I get from one destination to another.

 

I've come to realize that I need...
...hugs. Lots of hugs. 

 

I've come to realize that I have lost...
...something, but I haven't figured out what it is yet. haha....

 

I've come to realize that I hate it when...
...people are chronically negative without trying to either change their predicament or at least look for the bright side of life. We are all tremendously blessed!

 

I've come to realize that people....
...are beautiful. Sometimes you just need to look beyond the outward appearance.

 

I've come to realize that I'll always be...
...me. :-)

 

I've come to realize that my cell phone is...
...archaic and I'm so tempted to get a smart phone.

 

I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
...I was overwhelmed for unknown reasons.

 

I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
...I should have spent more time reading my Bible and praying.

 

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
...sleep, attitude changes and bigger life questions than I have time for right now.

 

I've come to realize that today...
...can still be a good day if I choose a different response.

 

I've come to realize that tonight...
...will be awesome, as I continue my journey of learning to cook healthy foods.

 

I've come to realize that tomorrow I will...
...be 32 years old and happy.

 

I've come to realize that I really want to...

...be a servant, love deeply and be known.

 

I've come to realize that life...
...doesn't have to be understood. I just have to trust.

 

I've come to realize that this weekend...
...can't come soon enough. 

 

I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
...is worship music.

 

I've come to realize that my friends...
...are always and only a phone call away.

 

I've come to realize that this year...
...could be a big year of personal and spiritual growth as well as learning, if I choose to make it so.

Monday Meanderings

Three Things

Three names I go by...
Holly
Huggy
Honey

Three jobs I have had in my life...
Program Director
Brand Protection Specialist
Dishwasher

Three places I have lived...
Redding, California
Greencastle, Pennsylvania
Wheaton, Illinois

Three TV shows that I watch...
NCIS
NCIS: Los Angeles
Sometimes CSI

Three places I have been today...
Wheaton
Church
Kroger

Three favorite foods...
strawberries
Mexican
chicken ravioli from Luigi's

Three things I am looking forward to...
sleep
getting over this cold
next weekend

Monday meanderings (on a Tuesday)

Ooops, I forgot to post this yesterday. So it's actually Tuesday, but that's okay, right? :-)

I got a car wash yesterday and it took the guy nearly 10 minutes to spray all the ice off my car.

The guy across the aisle from me at work munches on Fruit Loops each morning....for some reason it makes me smile.

Uncertainty seems to be my new companion.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded. Perhaps my joy and zest for life makes it seem like I have it all together, but I don't. Sometimes I just need a hug and to hear that it's all going to be okay.

I'm still on track with my One Year Bible readings and that surprises me. :-)

It is definitely time for a cup of coffee.

Monday Meanderings

Random tidbits for this cold Monday morning.....

I was born in Coeur d' Alene, Idaho.

I enjoy asking the hard questions.


Someday I would like to learn and try to change my own oil.
For unknown reasons, it's difficult for me to throw away a perfectly good shoebox.

I love to organize....but somehow my bedroom always gets skipped over

I enjoy being crafty and should probably make more time for it.

I have a pretty awful memory.

I sometimes wonder if any even reads blogs anymore.

I've never done yoga but think I will change that in 2013.

I wish I knew more about cars...maybe then I wouldn't get so paranoid about the strange noises that I hear in my car.

I love books....perhaps too much.

I have never tried to bench-press but I think I want to try it.