World Cancer Day

Today is World Cancer Day. You might already know this if you saw this commercial during the Super Bowl. I teared up when I saw it. Somehow it seems appropriate since today is also one year since I was told that I had cancer. February 4, 2013 was a strange day....the somber phone call from a nurse asking me to come in to their office immediately....going in alone because I had no clue what they were about to tell me....laughing with the nurses because I was having a good day....not understanding why they asked if I was okay because they thought I was "handling the news awfully well".....being sent to the hospital for additional tests.....feeling like a ton of bricks dropped on me when the news finally sank in that I would owe thousands of dollars after all the surgeries were done....sobbing in my friend Katie's arms because all I could think about was the additional debt I would be accruing....not fully grasping what I would face in the days to follow. It was a strange, surreal day. But one I don't think I'll ever forget.

 

Three months after I was told that I was CANCER FREE, I wrote a post on my blog about the array of emotions that can swallow you when you face trouble….shock….fear….anger….powerlessness….loneliness. But there was one emotion that I was surprised by, one that didn’t come until later….compassion. It’s a compassion that overwhelms me, that sometimes takes my breath away, that brings me to tears at the most random times….like now, as I write this.

 

Compassion for those facing their own troubles, whether it’s cancer or something else, no matter how big or small that trouble may seem.

Compassion for those who face pain on a daily basis.

Compassion for those who go to one doctor appointment after another.

Compassion for those who struggle to smile and just want someone to hold their hand.

 

Just last night, I was messaging with someone who has been going to lots of appointments, has lived with daily pain for far too long and who has dealt that frustration of not getting the answers they need or getting conflicting answers and still has a surgery to face next week…and while our conversation revolved around other things, I was in tears for this person as I thought of all they had faced in their journey to total healing.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 reads, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. In fact, most days, I have more questions than answers. So today, I count my blessings and I thank God for the healing He has brought to my body. I want to rejoice and jump up and down. I want to celebrate! But at the same time, I want to curl up and cry. So I allow myself to feel the sadness too. The weight that comes with compassion. Whatever trouble you may be facing, friend, know that you are not alone. I know that some days seem like it’s just too much and you can’t take one more thing. You may feel like no one understands and you face this giant alone. You may want to curl up and cry and that’s okay too. But know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a God who is right there with you, who collects your tears, every single one.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~Psalm 56:8

And He often brings people into our lives to journey with us in the mess. To sit beside us and hold our hand when words just don’t come. To offer hugs when you need “Jesus with skin on”. To listen to you vent about your day. To pray for you and over you. To just be there.

 

So on this “World Cancer Day” – my question is this….who can you be there for? What trouble have you faced that now gives you compassion for others? How can you be “Jesus with skin on” to someone who is hurting? Just a thought….

More than enough

You are holy. You are Sovereign. You are good. You love me. You are more than enough for me. My El Shaddai. Jehovah Jireh. I set my eyes on you, trusting in You, believing You will work according to Your good purposes. When I falter, when I look to the right or to the left, set my eyes on You. My trust must be in You and You alone because You are my sufficiency. I believe You are good. I believe You love me. Help me to walk in that, head held high, confident in my relationship with You. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank You Holy Spirit.

God, I release to you my dreams and my relationships. I trust in You. I believe that You are good and Your plans for me are good. I know that Your ways are higher than my ways. I know that Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I choose to put my faith in You. Even when I do not understand. Even when I can’t see a mile down the road. God, I will trust You to show me the next step.

You are beautiful, Lord. All that You do is beautiful. You alone are God. You alone are good. I am Your beloved child and I am in awe of Your grace. Forgive me when I don't act as a child of You. Love me. Pour over me Your grace. Fill me with Your Spirit. Create in me a clean heart and set Your Spirit upon me. Don't hide Your face because it is You that I seek. I love to see You, to know You more. Be exalted, O Lord, in my life. Be glorified in all that I am, in all that I think, say and do. I sit in Your presence and wait upon You….

Holy interruptions. Lord, invade my life with holy interruptions. I don’t want to get so caught up in my plans that I miss what You are saying, what You are doing in my life. Saturate me with Your presence. Drench me in the river of You. Leave no area untouched. I want to live interruptibly (is that even a word?). Please don't let me get so set in my ways and my plans that I miss out on You. I do not want to be selfish. Don't let me get in the way of what You are doing. Be the center of my life. Be the center of all my relationships. All that I do, all that I am, should revolve around You. Don't let me long for something that is not of You. I long to be consumed by You. I long for Your holy fire to burn in me. Burn away all my impurity. Refine me, Lord, in the fire of trials. I am Yours. Take my life and use it for Your purposes.

You are more than enough. My El Shaddai. Jehovah Jireh, I put my trust in You.

(500 words)

Identity - how God sees me

My goal for 2014 is to grow in love for God and love for people. Both have just been impressed deep on my heart that these are areas where I really need to grow more. When you love God more, the natural outflow is that you're going to love people more. This goal is taking me on a journey of learning more about God. The more I learn about Him, the more I love Him. Then I’m learning about how He sees me. If I don’t have a proper perspective on how He sees me, it’s going to affect how I view Him.

 

Today I'm participating in the Proverbs 31 blog hop so I'm writing about identity and how God sees me. It’s really important to see ourselves as He sees us. We have to learn to walk in the Truth. It’s so easy to get caught up in the lies that the devil wants to feed us. Lies about who we are. Lies about how God must see us as a result of our past and our sins. Lies, lies, lies. How often do we mediate on these lies, rather than Truth? Meditate on something long enough and you’re bound to begin to believe those meditations. And how often do we soak in the lies that the devil is shouting at us and miss out on the whispers of Love from our Abba Father?

 

So I began to make a list of ways that God sees me. What is Truth? When I read through the Scriptures, how does God describe me? That list could go on and on. I could write individual posts on each one of these things and still not exhaust all that God has to say about me. For now, I’m just writing a list of a few truths that especially stand out to me and that I want to soak in, to meditate on….

 

I AM GOD’S….

….child (John 1:12)

….workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)

….friend (James 2:23 / John 15:14-15)

….temple (1 Corinthians 3:16/ 1 Corinthians 6:16)

….vessel (2 Timothy 2:2)

….witness (Acts 1:8)

….beloved (Romans 1:7/ 2 Thessalonians 2:13)

 

I AM….

….a light in the darkness (Matthew 5:14)

….a candle in a dark place (Matthew 5:15)

….a city set on a hill (Matthew 5:14)

….the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)

….greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; 1 Thessalonians 1:4)

….justified and redeemed. (Romans 3:24)

….more than a conqueror through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37)

….a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17)

….redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13)

….chosen, holy, and blameless before God. (Ephesians 1:4)

….accepted (Ephesians 1:6)

….redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ. (Ephesians 1:7)

….God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10)

….delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13)

....redeemed and forgiven (Colossians 1:14)

….complete in Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:10)

….chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12)

….loved eternally 1 Peter 1:5 / 1 John 3:3

….healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24)

365 days

365 days ago, I went in for a biopsy on a mole on my leg. A slightly painful start to my birthday but I didn’t think too much of it.

359 days ago, I got an urgent call from my doctor’s office to come in right away. And then I heard those three words that brought a stop to my world….“you have cancer.” Malignant Melanoma which I promptly nicknamed M&M and even ate some M&M’s.

358 days ago, I went in for surgery on my arm and leg, including a skin graft for my leg. My two verses of the day were Philippians 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” And “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” ~Isaiah 26:3

356 days ago, my brother & sister-in-law came to visit me which came as a shock and yet brought me great pleasure. I don’t get to see my brother very often and it was an amazing gift that he would take two days off school to be with me and help with my recovery.

349 days ago, I got the news that I was cancer free. It was a long 9 days waiting for this news! It was Valentine’s Day when the doctor told me the positive test results.

335 days ago, I was I was overwhelmed with pain and ready to give up. But I was also reminded that I was not alone. I was not treading that path by myself. I know He carried me.

334 days ago, I was reminded again by a friend that I was not alone. “You, child, are sheltered in the secret place of the Most High, and you abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  Stay close to Me.  Drop your burdens.  Drop them.  Give them all to Me.  Stay in My presence, and you shall overcome.”

333 days ago, I was telling myself that falling apart is okay because every day I felt like I was falling apart. Even though the test results were positive, the pain remained. The healing was taking oh so long.

332 days ago, I was learning a new lesson – to SLOW DOWN. Enjoy life at a slower pace. Trying to listen to Him. Letting go of fear. Resisting the lies of the enemy. Soaking in His truth. Praising God for His healing mercy. 

331 days ago, I had another surgery, this time on my back. I was so upset about yet another procedure which would leave me in even more pain. The verses I held on to were from Ephesians 6:10-18.

329 days ago, I found myself asking a lot of questions that began with “Why?” Why is the healing taking so long? Why is trusting God such a tough thing to do? Why can’t I sleep? And so many more questions flooded my mind. The key verse for me that day was Proverbs 3:5-6.

319 days ago, a poster I made the year before became something of a lifeline for me as I continued to process fear and questions and work through the pain….

STOP.... ....beating yourself up ....putting yourself down ....dwelling on the negative ....dwelling on your insecurities ....anticipating the worst Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

START.... ....trusting in God's love ....accepting love from others ....believing in His total forgiveness ....trusting in God's goodness ....accepting gifts from Father God The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? ... Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:1, 14

310 days ago was my final surgery – on my head. While I was nervous, I was also relieved to know that there was finally an end in sight!

261 days ago, I hit a milestone….with a heavy heart. It had been 13 weeks since I heard the news that I was CANCER FREE!  It was a milestone for me and yet it was a bittersweet moment as I considered so many that I know who are still in the midst of their fight with cancer.  Or those whose fight is now done and they've gone on before us.  If you know someone in the midst of their fight with cancer, wrap your arms around them and say, "I love you."  Just be there with them.  One of the best gifts I received was simply the presence of people.  Even if I didn't want to talk, just to have another person in the room was an incredible gift.  Each person's fight with cancer looks different but one thing is always true. Cancer sucks. So I marked that milestone with a heavy heart for those still fighting and for those who have lost someone to cancer. 

249 days ago, this verse was so important to me…."In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." ~Romans 8:26-27

248 days ago, I was clinging to Psalm 119, "Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path."

195 days ago, I was embracing the adventure of life as I stepped out and began to feel “normal” again. Sometimes I do seek out the adventure.  Mostly though, I'm trying to figure out the adventure that we call life in Christ.  When you say yes to Jesus, your life becomes an adventure in Him.  He may lead you on paths that you never anticipated.  He may allow situations in your life that you never thought you could live through.  But those adventures lived in Him are not lived alone.  You don't face those things in your own strength.  Rather, we have a Savior who loves us and who gives us what we need to face the adventures He puts before us.  My adventure has more questions than answers.  A lot of jumbled thoughts and crazy ideas.  And too often words spoken without thinking.  But each day, I learn more.  Each week, I grow up just a little bit.

177 days ago, I was celebrating a 6 month milestone. Six months since the first surgery. Six months since life came to a screeching halt. God brought healing to my leg. He strengthened me and kept me focused on recovering the right way. He taught and is teaching me so much every day. I'm in awe of His grace and I need it more each day. I'm humbled by His mercy and overwhelmed by His love. Every day feels like another gift, another chance to become more like Jesus. And even though I fail Him time after time, He keeps loving me and drawing me back to Himself.

149 days ago, I got to participate in a 4 mile walk and my leg didn’t hurt!!


146 days ago, I was reminded that religion is spelled D-O. It's about rules and tasks and adding up all the good things you can DO in your short life. But it'll never be enough and it's just plain tiring. Christianity is spelled D-O-N-E. Jesus did it all. He paid it all on the cross. He did what we can't. He paid the price. For me. For you. And he wants us to trust Him. This world is not our home and we're only here a short time.... 

140 days ago, I was so tired. Tired of the demands of life. Tired of feeling overwhelmed. Tired of the silence. Tired of the endless noise. Just tired. Tired but clinging to hope. Choosing to rest in my Jesus. Knowing that He is in control. Knowing that He loves me. Rest. That word was balm to my weary soul.

134 days ago, my little brother’s third daughter was born and I am a proud aunt to Elsa Joy.

130 days ago, I was living in the white space and yet learning to choose joy and faith. Choosing to dig even deeper into the word that is the lamp for my feet and the light for my path. Believing that He is going to guiding me. Trusting Him to give me His wisdom, in His perfect time.

122 days ago, I just wanted more of God. More of His love. More of His grace. More.


119 days ago, I was breaking the mold and shocking police officers because I don’t fit their expectation of someone who helps recover stolen heavy equipment. And I was challenged to consider what labels I apply to others that probably aren’t fair to them.

And on and on and on I could go. 365 days of memories. 365 days of life lessons. 365 days of tears, laughter, pain and healing. 365 days of God’s grace. 365 days of God’s unending faithfulness.

What will the next 365 days hold for me?

For you?


(1,550 words)

Heartfelt

Pen to paper.

Writing out the prayers in my heart.

A mix of song, Scripture and heartfelt cries.

Setting my eyes on Jesus and opening my heart to Him.

You are Sovereign, Provider, my Sufficiency, my Rock and my Salvation. You are King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Mighty God, Alpha & Omega, Lover of my soul. You are my Shepherd and my God. You are my Guide.

You lead me in paths of righteousness. I am Your beloved. I rest in Your love. Wrap Your arms around me. Flood my soul with Your love. God, I love You and I long for more of You. You are so gracious to me. YOu have overwhelmed me with Your love, grace and mercy. Send Your glory, Lord, send it on down. Draw Your child to Yourself. Fill me, use me, mold me into Your likeness. I want to be like You. Hear my voice when I call Lord. Hear my prayer and be merciful to me. I am Yours.

The joy of the Lord is my strength The joy of the Lord is my strength. The JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH. Holy Spirit, fill me. Saturate me. Overwhelm my heart. I can't be content with where I am at. I can't stay the same. I must draw closer to You. I must become more and more like You. I cry out for Your hand of mercy to heal me. I am weak and I need Your love to free me. O Lord, You are my Rock, my strength in weakness. Come rescue me O Lord. You are my hope. You are the only one I need. You are God and I will rest in You.

I want to love You. I want to love You. Let me know the way You love me. I love You. I love You. I am loved by You. I am loved by You. I am Your beloved. Your creation. And you love me as I am. You care for me. My every need You know. The breath I breathe, You have given me. My next heartbeat, You hold in Your hand. I am nothing without You. I desire only You. My heart longs for You. My eyes are set on You. I sit here in Your presence and rest in Your unchanging grace.

Show me Your heart. Show me Your ways. Show me You. One thing I ask of You, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon Your beauty and to see You in Your temple. I set my heart to seek Your face. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Why would I want anything less than You? There's nothing in this life to compare with Your love. Your love is better than life. Lord, You are worthy of all my praise.

Hear my prayer, Lord Jesus. El Shaddai.

(502 words)

Why I write

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." –Hemingway

 

Two weeks ago, I came across the idea to write 500 words every day. I don’t remember where the blog was found, but the idea is to increase how often you write. Rather than agonizing over word choice and getting paralyzed by trying to create the perfect post, the author was just advocating for you to write 500 words and then post it, no editing. The challenge was to extend for the month of January. However, it was already Jan 12^th when I read about the 500 word challenge so it’s possible that I may keep doing it into February. And let’s just say that the part about no editing is really hard for me! My goodness, I read just about everything with a mental red pen so you can imagine how much I want to comb over my posts with my editing hat on. I confess, I have been editing some here and there. Most of my posts don’t contain perfect grammar anyway just because of the style of posts.

 

But today I got to thinking about why I write. Am I trying to encourage others? Spur them on in their faith? Maybe offer a glimpse into what I am learning about God and faith and this journey we call life? Or am I just promoting me? Depending on the moment, all of these have been true. Some days I feel compelled to write. There are words inside of me that just beg to be put onto a page. The words just won’t go away and will cause me to lose sleep if I don’t write them down. But there have also been those days when I have written something that just made me look good. That’s not a proud confession, just an honest admission that my motives for writing are not always in the right place.

 

In October 2006, I decided to start a blog. I’ve kept a journal for years. I still have some journals from when I was a young girl. It’s pretty funny to read the entries from back then. The things I thought were worth chronicling are amusing. But then I suppose there will be a day when I look back on my entries from these days and just chuckle.

 

However, there are days when I want to put words to a page but I don’t feel like picking up a pen. It’s on those days that appreciate having a blog. It gives me that outlet to write quickly. And writing quickly helps me to process my thoughts. It helps me clarify the chaos that sometimes swirls in my head. It becomes an outlet for the words that stir within.

 

Hemingway’s quote sort of resonated with me because that’s sometimes what it feels like….bleeding on a page. Granted, I don’t sit at a typewriter but the idea is still accurate. Sometimes I sit down to write and it’s like a part of my heart is splashed all over the screen. I become vulnerable and leave a piece of me out there for people to read. Doing this 500 word project has also been an exercise in being real. Searching in me for 500 words every single day has been way more challenging than I would have guessed. But it’s been good for me too. Every day I get to sit and think. Process through my day. Deciding what to “bleed” onto the screen.

 

I don’t know how long I’ll keep up the 500 words project after January is over. But I’m grateful for the past couple of weeks of writing. It’s been a good thing for me to do.

 

(622 words)

Be real

Being real is important to me. I want to know people and I want to be known by them. This morning at church, I was talking with the senior pastor as he described a mutual friend. The pastor said, “He is just so real. You don’t have to guess what you’re getting with him. What you see is what you get. And I love that about him. He’s just so real!”

 

Being real like that does not come naturally for everyone. I would like to think that most of time I am a pretty genuine person. But that requires effort and vulnerability. The smile, the bright eyes, the laughter - it's nearly always genuine because the Lord has given me joy that doesn't depend on my circumstances. There are those days however, when I use those some things (the smile & laughter) to mask an inner pain or a hurt or confusion and just a deep tiredness that I need to figure out how to process. These emotions, these kinds of days happen to everyone. It might be a result of something someone did or said. It could be the aftermath from a bad night of sleep. Whatever the cause, there is generally a similar root cause. Those are the days when I take my focus off of Jesus, when I stop walking by faith and instead start focusing on the stormy waters.

Perhaps you’ve been in that place. Maybe you did run to Jesus and you prayed fervently about it. But then when you least expect you, you get hit again with the negative experience or negative emotions, maybe when your defenses are down.  Whatever the case, you forget to run to Jesus or you might get caught up in soothing your hurt through other avenues. How often do we seek our own methods of calming our hearts? How often do we look inside ourselves instead of looking to Jesus? But this truth you must know….true healing will come only when we fully submit to Jesus and allow Him absolute control over our lives. You can’t fix you. I can't fix me. Too often we try to fill the void with everything but God but it will never work. We have to submit, to give up control.

Reign in me, Sovereign God, heal my heart. You are drawing me to Yourself. You are drawing me to a place of joy & peace. I will trust You fully.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6)

 

Rest in the Lord. Trust in the Lord. More often than I like to admit, I stink at both. I see the work that He has begun in me, I just long to see more of it. He has been so faithful to me. Every day I see more of Him - He grows me, teaching me more about Himself. I long for more of Him.

(501 words)

Highs and lows

Life is full of highs and lows. Sometimes life even feels like a roller coaster with twists and turns and going upside down. Only this roller coaster doesn’t always stop. There are times when you just keep chugging by the platform and up that hill to go another round through the craziness.

Now when I talk about highs and lows, I don’t see this as a bad thing necessarily. I think it’s natural for life to kind of ebb and flow. That doesn’t mean that we can’t live each moment filled with the peace and joy of Christ….because we can….that’s the beauty of a Spirit filled life. But due to circumstances and doing life with people, there are often highs and lows throughout life.  

Take today for instance. It started off well with my usual Saturday morning walk with a girlfriend. I’m getting to know this girl even better through these walks and I love that. She is a precious sister in Christ and I’m honored to spend this time with her. We chat about all sorts of topics and I learn from her. This morning we were talking about relationships and learning to be in relationship with another person. We are in different places in relationship but both still seeking to grow and learn and honor God in these relationships. And we both want His will for our lives. So she mentions that there are things she wished she’d known before she got married. Naturally I was curious so I probed further. She said that she wished she realized that the main goal of marriage is not to be happy or to make the other person happy. Happiness is a wonderful byproduct of a good marriage. But the primary purpose of marriage is to become holy. And becoming holy sometimes (often?) comes through challenging times, through pain. And it can be through those challenging times that the dross is cut away and we become more like Jesus. Later I was listening to the radio when I heard a guy from Casting Crowns talking about marriage and how it’s a fallacy to believe that marriage will fill you or complete you. He was exhorting people to realize that we must first be filled in Christ. “You complete me” is just the stuff of movies. It is God who completes us, God who fills us, not our significant other. God fills us and then we can pour into the other person. Between these two things, I was challenged to consider how I view marriage, how I view relationship. I felt that strong tugging to keep my focus on God, to keep Him as the center of all of life and especially in relationship.

Then this afternoon, I reconnected with a friend. And it was awkward and it was wonderful all at the same time. Who knew those two things could come together in one situation?! I was surprised and perhaps a little relieved at the peace that I felt. I felt amazed by the grace of God, a God of second chances. And I left that situation with great joy.

But it was strange how as the rest of my day progressed, until this moment where I find myself sitting in Panera typing this post, I found a slight sense of sadness come over me. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye so soon. Maybe it’s just the letdown that sometimes comes after great moments. Maybe I’m just tired. Whatever the reason, I feel a little sad tonight. And that’s what got me thinking about the highs and lows of life. My mom says I think too much. Well, to be fair, numerous people in my life have said that I think too much. And it’s true. Hence the writing. It gets the thinking out and on paper or a screen and keeps the craziness out of my head.

So enough with the craziness. I’m going to read and then sleep.

(661 words)

Walk slowly, Laugh easily

Shortly after hearing the news that Dallas Willard had died, I read the following quote:

“He laughed easily. He walked slowly. He seemed to have all the time in the world. He listened as if you were the only person alive.”

 

While I don't recall anything else from the article, this quote struck me that day and still stands out to me.

 

Laugh easily.

Walk slowly.

Live fully.

Listen deeply.

 

That’s how I would boil it down. Laugh easily….at yourself. At the circumstances that come your way. Laugh when you say something silly. Laugh when you hear a clever saying. Laugh often. Laugh until you cry. Laugh so hard that your side aches. But laugh.

Proverbs 31:25 reads, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

 

Laughter can dispel fear. Laughter can clear your mind. Laughter can ease the tension in a situation. Laughter can dispel the awkwardness left after that silly comment you made. Laughter not only helps you, but it is contagious to those around you. I submit that laughing easily can totally change your life. Try it! You won’t regret it.

 

Walk slowly….take your time. Don’t be in such a hurry to get everywhere. If you find yourself in a constant hurry, leave earlier. Take a step back and examine all that you have said “yes” to….perhaps you can make some adjustments so you can walk slowly. Life moves so fast. Even now I sit at Barnes & Noble typing this post and wondering how we are already more than 3 weeks into a new year. Time just flies. And you’re not going to find it slowing down for you. But you can slow down and enjoy the time that you have. Walking slowly gives you a chance to notice the flowers that are blooming. Walking slowly means you just might notice the old lady that could use your assistance with her groceries. Walking slowly gives you a chance to breathe deep and savor the moment. Walking slowly means you can join your pace to that of another person and walk this road together. Two are better than one.

 

Live fully…..“he seemed to have all the time in the world.” This was said of a man who was a professor, speaker, author, husband, father, board member, committee member, etc. This was a man with a very full plate. And yet it is said that “he seemed to have all the time in the world.” He lived fully present in the moment. He gave all of himself to whatever moment that he was in and whoever he was with. Oh that this could be said of me! I want to live fully.

Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

 

Let’s live the abundant life!!!

 

Listen deeply….pay attention when someone is talking to you. We’ve probably all had those moments when you are talking to someone and suddenly you realize that they aren’t listening to a word that you are saying. Perhaps they got distracted by their phone. Maybe someone else came in to the room and you can just tell that they want to go to that person instead of you. It can be hurtful to experience. Sometimes annoying. But always negative. Instead, choose to listen deeply to the person in front of you. Put away your phone. Focus. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Listening deeply shows respect to those around you. Listening deeply tells people that you genuinely care about what they have to say. Listening deeply is a precious gift that you can give to other people.

 

So my friends, let me challenge you….just as I’m challenging myself….to laugh easily. Walk slowly. Live fully. Listen deeply. And so together we will live the abundant life.

 

(640 words)

Yearning

"My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." ~Psalm 84:2

 

Is that true? Does my soul yearn for the courts of the Lord? Can this really be said of me? Does my heart and flesh actually cry out for the living God? What does my soul yearn for? What is the cry of my heart and my flesh?

This week I’m thinking about cravings. What do I crave? What do I want to crave versus what do I actually crave? Can my cravings be tamed or even changed?

Craving. A powerful desire for something.

Longing.

Yearning.

Hankering.

Appetite.

Ache.

So often these words are used in reference to food. We crave certain foods. Chocolate. Ice cream. Strawberries. Mexican food. Red Robin. Fruit. Just to name a few of my recent cravings. If I focus on these cravings for too long, chances are pretty good that I’m going to do something about the craving. I’m going to indulge in whatever it is that I’m hankering for. Not all cravings are bad. It would be great if I craved fruit and veggies even more than I currently do! My body would thank me! But all too often, I crave the foods that are not healthy, the foods that will not help me achieve my goal of being healthier. Which craving is stronger….the one to eat junk foods or the one that wants to get healthier? That depends on the day!

In the verse above, the psalmist is talking about his own cravings. His spiritual cravings. He has a powerful desire for something. Someone. When we hear someone talk about cravings in these types of words (years, faints, cry out), we may be tempted to roll our eyes and think they are being rather dramatic. But when you apply these words to our spiritual cravings, it has a whole different meaning. I want to yearn for God. I want to cry out for the living God. I want to have a craving, a powerful desire for Him. A longing for God that can’t be satisfied with the junk of this world.

Why do I crave the junk of this world that won’t satisfy? Why do I settle for less? What gets in the way of me having a craving for God?

Busyness.

A hectic life.

Loneliness.

Stress.

Frustration.

Even ministry, that is doing for God, can get in the way of me craving God and just wanting to be with Him.

Right now, for me, it comes down to priorities. How am I prioritizing my time? What am I placing the most importance on? That question is easily answered by looking at how I spend my time. If I crave God and yearn to be with Him, then my time will be spent seeking Him, praying, listening to Him. When that craving gets shoved aside for the junk of this world, I can find myself stressed, too busy, confused and not living in the peace of Christ.

 
Matthew 6:33 says to “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

I want to seek God above all else this year. I want to be able to cry out with the Psalmist and say, “My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.”

Lord, help me to crave You.

(582 words)

How's the.....

There is a popular topic of conversation. It seems like everyone has something to say about it. I rarely initiate conversation about this topic and generally only participate in the chatter if I’m asked a direct question. The rest of the time I alternate between chuckling and rolling my eyes.

What is this topic?

The weather.

Today I break my silence to write 500+ words on the subject.

I live in central Illinois and it is January. So you might guess that we have cold temperatures and some snow. And you would be correct. So why does it seem like most people are surprised by the cold and the snow? Sure, we’ve had some extra cold days….something about a polar vortex? But mostly it’s just January in central Illinois.

Just today, I was sitting in the break room eating my fabulously delicious tomato rotini soup when two coworkers pop in. He comes over by the windows where I was sitting and exclaims, “It’s …. snowing!?” I will let you fill in the appropriate four letter word. Now the windows span the entire length of the break room and I was sitting about 2 feet from them but I hadn’t even noticed it was snowing, even though I had been staring out the window for some time. Then my coworkers spend the next five minutes talking to each other about how ridiculous the weather is and comparing travel stories from the previous days’ commute. These are 40-50 year old men who have spent their entire lives in central Illinois. Why would today’s flurries be cause for such an uproar? I’m not sure that I’ll ever understand. Most days I just chuckle and let the conversation swirl around me, kinda like those flurries. Today I’m super tired so I confess that I might have rolled my eyes a little bit because I just don’t get it.

It’s not that I don’t care about the weather but it just doesn’t enthrall me like it does for others. Take for instance, my mom. (Side note: my mom is a loyal reader of this blog so I must preface this by saying that I love my mom dearly and this is in no way meant to be disrespectful. It’s just an example.)

Every time I call my mom, I get a detailed weather report for Hackensack, MN. She loves paying attention to the weather. She’ll stay up late even when she’s tired so she can catch the weather report on the news. I have joked with her that she should have become a meteorologist because she’s so fascinated by it. I don’t think she wanted to be wrong so much of the time so she chose a different line of work.

Me on the other hand….I don’t even look outside when I’m deciding how to dress. It’s winter so I dress in layers. If it happens to be a warmer day, I’ll just shed a layer. It works for me.

But probably the hardest thing for me to ignore is the comments about the snow. Whenever it starts snowing (Sunday night, for instance), my Facebook news feed blows up with people upset about the snow and wanting winter to be over already. This is when I get some serious eye rolling going. And occasionally, I slip in a comment about how I love the snow or how beautiful it is. Because I do. And it is.

And now to be honest, I have been diligently checking this weekend’s weather for the past week. I’m traveling south for work and am paranoid about driving in snow. It might be beautiful and I might love it but I DO NOT love to drive in it.

And I’m done. That’s more than enough words on a subject that usually renders me speechless.

(634 words)

Share it. Tweet it. Like it.

I heard an event announcement on the radio and they said, “Share it. Tweet it. Like it.”  I actually laughed out loud and the mimicked the radio, “Share it. Tweet it. Like it.”  And then I shook my head and thought, “Gotta love social media.”

Social media, in various forms, has really taken over our lives. How many times have you contemplated a situation in the form of a Facebook status or a Tweet? Have you taken a picture just for the purpose of uploading it to your site of choice? Perhaps you find yourself thinking in 140 character statements. In and of themselves, none of these things are bad. It’s okay to post on Facebook. It’s okay to Tweet your 140 character wittiness. And there’s nothing wrong with loading your favorite photos for all to see.

I guess the question for me has become….how much is too much? At what point have you crossed the line from enjoying the benefits and value of social media and moved into obsessed and perhaps even addicted? When do you need to take a step back and just enjoy life without thinking about how to frame it in a status update or what it might look like in a photo or how to squeeze this into 140 characters?

January has been that month for me. Almost from the beginning, I was taking steps to reduce the amount of time that I spent on Facebook. I found that it was sucking up so much of my time. It’s amazing how easy it is to spend an hour or even two just looking at your news feed. How does the time fly by so fast?? I even stopped posting for a time. It was just too much for me. For a couple weeks, I was rarely on there and I was happy with that. I just kept Messenger active on my phone so that I could keep in touch with church people about the children’s ministry and other church related stuff. Just last week, I found myself drawn back into it periodically. I posted here and there but didn’t read too much. But then the reading time started getting a little longer and then longer. Today I made a change.

My church is doing a 4 day fast this week. I decided that the thing I needed to fast the most was Facebook. Right now I’m desperate for God’s wisdom. I need His guidance in a couple different situations. I have been asking Him for His wisdom but not always taking the time to listen to what He has to say. Part of that is due to too much time on Facebook. So I’m taking four days off. No Facebook. No Messenger. No framing my life in timeline posts. No taking photos just to “show off” on Facebook. No checking for messages way too often. Just four days off. It’s only been 10 hours and already it has been hard. I want to check in. I want to know what people are saying. I want to see if anyone has messaged me. Instead, I need to turn that time in prayer time, listening time. I need to open my Bible instead of firing up Facebook. Reading the Word and spending time in prayer is how I am going to hear from God on these situations, not through checking Facebook.

Social media is a good tool for connecting with friends and family, especially with those who are far away. My challenge now is to not let that good tool consume my time and keep me from the present time that God has me living.

(608 words)

Laugh

Life can move so quickly
And time is a precious gift
Choose wisely how you spend it
There is no rewind button on life

Learn to laugh at life
And at yourself
Life is too short to be so serious
So embrace the joy of the Lord

Laughter is a great gift that we can give to ourselves and others around us. Laughter can be so contagious. Have you ever heard a child giggling in a store or at a restaurant and you feel yourself start to smile? Usually you just can’t help yourself. The joy of that child just seeps into you and a smile creeps on to your face.

Sometimes I wonder what people think when they look over at me when I am driving. I can’t even count the number of times that I crack myself up with some silly thought or as a result of talking out loud to myself. If someone were to bug my car or put a video camera in there, I suppose that people would think I was crazy. It can be the smallest or silliest thing that just causes laughter to come out. Or maybe something on the radio prompts a thought that gets me giggling. It just seems that I spend a lot of my driving time in laughter.  Even more so lately, now that we can’t talk on our cell phones while driving.

One recent morning I showed up to the gym and was waiting to meet with my trainer. A guy walked up to the counter to talk to the gym employee. He points to me and says, “I don’t know that girl but I know her smile. Every time she shows up here, she has the biggest, most beautiful smile.” To which the gym employee responds, “Yep, she’s the girl that smiles a lot.” I was rather surprised but encouraged by this reference. After all, it’s 5am when I show up at the gym. Smiling and being cheerful is not necessarily a “normal” response at that time of day.

In Nehemiah 8:10 we read that “the joy of the Lord is our strength.” I have experienced this to be so completely true in my life. His joy gives us strength to face the days that seem so dark. The days when we aren’t sure which way is up because life has become so chaotic. Even the days when the tears don’t seem to want to stop.

When I am struggling with something, joy does not come naturally. Joy is a choice that we can make. I can choose to find a blessing in my day. I can choose to laugh about the dumb thing I just said without meaning to. I can laugh when I do something embarrassing. I can laugh when my day just isn’t going quite right. I’ve had some days recently where the laughter doesn’t come quite as easily. I’ve really had to choose to walk in the joy that God is giving to me. And then without warning, something sets me off (usually in the car) and I’ll just start giggling like a little school girl. And I find a lightness to my heart. A peace flows over me.

Laughter is good for the soul.

(542 words)

Cry out to Him today!

Writing 500 words a day almost becomes like a daily journal.  What happens during the day becomes fodder for the blog. I guess I need to start somewhere, right? :) 

Normally I don’t get to attend church due to my role as Children’s Ministry Director. I spend nearly every week downstairs teaching the kids, organizing volunteers, finding supplies, distributing lessons, etc. The few weeks that I am not downstairs are usually due to being out of town for a business trip. So this morning was a rare thing. Not only could I be in the sanctuary for worship, but also for the sermon. Wow. It was a lovely thing. Though I found myself wondering how it was going downstairs and missing the kids, but I made it through without sneaking downstairs to check in. I knew that I could trust the volunteers to do their thing. I mostly just wanted to see the kids.

So just after worship, my pastor got up to give a word before the offering was received. To paraphrase part of what he said….God makes it so easy for us to cry out to Him. He loves us so much and delights in hearing us call out "Abba Father". Cry out to Him today....He is waiting for you!

This hit straight into my heart tonight as I replay the words. I need my Abba Father so badly right now. I need His wisdom. I need His guidance. I need His peace. I need His will to be done in my life. I need HIM! So I cry out to Him even though I try to do it my way. I feel at war with myself. I want God’s will to be done in my life and yet too often I act before I seek Him. It drives me bonkers and yet it happened again today. I made a choice that I almost immediately began second guessing. Prior to making the choice, I did some praying about it but didn’t really wait on God to show me His desire in this situation. And now I second guess myself and plead with God for His will to be done, not mine. Even though I made this choice, I still long for His will, His best to be done.

It makes me think of the Israelites asking for a king (1 Samuel 8). Again and again they asked for a king even after Samuel tells them what it will mean for them. And I wonder sometimes if I do the same thing to God. I keep asking again and again for the same thing. Am I rejecting what God has for me in pursuit of my own pleasure, my own desires? Sometimes, if I’m honest, it kind of scares me. I really do want God’s will to be done in my life. I really do want what He has for me because I truly believe that is what is best for me. But sometimes, I get dumb and I make a choice that was me going in my own direction and not waiting on God for His plan to be fulfilled in His timing.

So I go back to my pastor’s words….Cry out to Him today….He is waiting for you! I am crying out to God and asking for Him to work His will, for me to be moved out of His way, and for His will to be accomplished in my life.

Ramblings

I was just about to crawl into bed when I remembered that I had not written my 500 words for today.  I have thought about it and even formulated a few ideas but had not gotten around to the actual writing part. But now here I sit at the end of the day and I am lacking in ideas. So do I write 500 words about not having any words? That will definitely entertain people. Or not.

I hung out with a friend this afternoon and we talked a lot about God. Then tonight another friend called me and we talked for nearly 3 hours and the conversation kept coming back to God again and again. In both instances, our faith is important to us and so it naturally was coming up in conversation. Maybe when you are trying to determine what is truly important to you or what you are passionate about, then you should listen to yourself speak. What topics come up again and again? What gets you excited? What do you feel like you could talk about over and over and still have more to say? Interesting thoughts….

One topic that came up in my phone call tonight was how we both desire greater boldness in our faith, to share with other what God has done for us. But then my friend made a good point. He said that we also need to remember that we can share a lot through our actions even when we do not get to speak a lot of words. He shared a story of working on a project with a guy and towards the end of their time the guy asked if he went to church. He just sensed through my friend’s actions that there was something different about him and perhaps it was a church thing. This opened a door for my friend to talk to him further. And that got me thinking about how often I get asked about why I am so happy and optimistic. I was not talking about my faith, but I was going about my job with joy and that has caused some people to stop and wonder what was going on. Good conversation gets me thinking. And last night I had dinner with a friend that turned into a 5 hour talk session that was so good for my heart. The funny thing is that I was supposed to go out of town this weekend to see friends up north but it started snowing and I did not want to drive in it. So I found myself at home with a completely free weekend.  And a long weekend at that since Monday is a holiday. But I’ve already had 3 great interactions with friends and I still have two more days off! What a blessing this is!

I read a status of Facebook that asked the question, “Tired of experiencing confusion, disappointment, heartache, and turmoil?” Um….yes. I’ve had a little too much of all of those emotions over the past month and I am sure ready to be done with all of them. The conversations that I have had with friends so far this weekend have certainly helped. And now that I’ve rambled for over 500 words, I feel even better. Hahaha….

(548 words)

"My" Spot

I have been parking in the same spot at work for over a year. Maybe even close to 18 months. I always journey to the highest level in the parking garage so that I can walk 5 flights of stairs to my work. I picked this parking spot the first day we moved to this new building and I have been parking there ever since. There are over a dozen parking spots in the area but almost no one else parks there. I suppose most people want to park as close to the door as possible. I prefer to be as far from the door and my office as possible. More exercise. 

Most days there is only one other car in the vicinity and they always pick the same parking spot as well.

Until this week.

Then it happened. 

The other car took my spot.

The audacity of some people!

My initial reaction was first surprise, then slight annoyance. After all, didn’t that person know this is my spot? I’ve parked here for over a year. That person has parked in their same spot for about the same length of time. What in the world possessed them to take my spot this week?!?! That reaction didn’t last long as I quickly realized what I was thinking and I rolled my eyes at myself and even chuckled a little. It’s not “my” spot. There are no parking assignments. There is no sign with my name on it that designates this spot as mine. I’m just a creature of habit who happens to park in the same spot every day.

And that gets me to thinking. In what other areas am I a creature of habit? Where have I gotten used to doing something in the same way every time? Now, habits are not inherently bad. I think it’s normal and even okay to have daily routines and habits throughout your day. But when those habits become so ingrained that you are not open to change….well, that might be an issue – such as with the example of my parking experience. So perhaps I need to ask myself some questions. Is this habit worth holding on to? Do I need to be open to change in this area? Perhaps there is more than one way of doing a task. Perhaps there is more than one place I can park in the morning. Perhaps I can be open to trying something in a new way.

Another thought this situation brings up is related to the idea of entitlement. Entitlement is an interesting thing. My initial reaction indicated a hidden sense of entitlement that I didn’t even realize that I was holding on to. I felt entitled to that spot simply because I had been parking there for so long. A daily choice had turned into feeling like I owned that spot. But I don’t. So now I must turn this reflection to other areas of my life. What do I feel entitled to? What do I feel that I deserve? This is a reflection to be continued…..

In the meantime, I need to say thank you to the owner of the gray Pontiac Vibe who parked in "my" spot. Thank you for causing me to think about entitlement.  Thank you for shaking me out of my habit. Thank you for breaking routine. 

(558 words)

Never alone – Reflections from a Favorite Scripture

"I will never leave you nor forsake you….Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:5, 9

Preparing lunches for work.

Washing dishes.

Sweeping the floor.

Doing some ab workouts.

Normal activities of life.

Just going about my evening routine.

 

Then I glance out the window and my routine comes to a halt. The sun is slipping beyond the horizon. The sky is painted a rainbow of colors broken only by a few clouds. A building in the distance, a church perhaps, is lit by the fading light of day. The glowing tower stands out against the dark trees surrounding it. There's a window near the top of the tower that reflects the splash of colors painting the sky.

A 180 degree turn reveals a breathtaking view. The clouds are a brilliant pink. Various hues of orange and yellow grace the rest of the horizon. As the clouds begin to glow with hints of purple, my attention is brought back to the luminous tower. The glow begins to fade as the sun continues its descent.

 

And then my mind drifts to the Christian life and how, at times, we might feel like that tower. Surrounded by darkness, that is lost people, we "glow" with the radiance of Christ. We have a passion, a glow, to share our faith. As time passes, though, we may feel like the darkness presses in...our glow, our passion begins to wane. Challenging circumstances may surround us and leave us stumbling in confusion. We may feel alone, abandoned or even defeated.

 

When we experience the "night", it's vital that we hold on to the Truth: the Son always shines.

 

At times, we seem to lose our ability to see Him - perhaps because of our sin or trials that we experience or we're distracted by the busyness of life. We strain our eyes, trying to peer through the darkness, wondering how He could have left us.

 

And then the dawn comes. The tower doesn't reflect a fading light nor is it consumed by darkness. Instead it bathes in the full strength of the sun.

 

So too our dawn will come.

 

As we face the place where His light seemed to fade from our lives, we may get wrapped up in what was or what used to be.

 

Don't miss the coming of the dawn.

Turn your eyes to the Son.

 

You have to take your eyes off of what was and set them on the One who is and always will be. Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). God's promise to Joshua remains true for us today, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5). And then a few verses later, He commands, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). That's a promise worth clinging to!

(516 words)