Thursday, October 02, 2008

How I'm feeling...

I feel like I'm being spiritually attacked. It's hard to explain. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe I just can't find the words to describe what I'm going through. Maybe I don't want to give credence to the fear and confusion that I feel. I don't know.

Yesterday, I had an experience that has spooked me. I was put under nitrous oxide while at the dentist and I had a nightmare while under its influence. I am still reeling from the shock of how vivid the nightmare was. The nightmare revolved around my death by strangling and it felt so real. And I found myself saying that I wasn't ready to meet Jesus. And that confession scared me. Now that I've had time to sleep and time to pray, I believe that confession isn't a reflection of reality but rather the devil planting doubts in my head. I am a child of God. I am a daughter of the King. And I can stand confident in His love.

But right now I don't feel confident. I feel small and scared. I want to feel God's presence with me. To know that He's got me wrapped in His arms and is holding me secure. I long to know His peace.

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