Saturday, September 15, 2012

My journey to becoming a runner....part whatever I'm on....

Recently, I hit another milestone, I have lost over 25lbs!!! Most of my clothes don't fit anymore so I often wear baggy clothes. I hate shopping but I also don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes that won't fit in a few months.

But it does a heart good to hear comments like: "you look great!" or "Wow girl, you've lost weight!" Even though I'm not on this journey to impress others, it feels good when people notice the change.

Other comments have been harder to embrace:
"I didn't know you were a runner."

"You're going to love being a runner, there's nothing like it."

"You're a runner? You must be crazy."

Oh I am well aware that I can be crazy at times but each time these statements were made or one similar, I was quick to qualify it, "oh no, I'm not a runner, I'm just training for a race."

Huh? Is that possible? Can I run 3-4x/week for week after week and not be a runner?

Absolutely. At least in my mind.

Remember that first statement I made back in part 1? Running is almost more mental exercise than physical. It's absolutely amazing how much we can talk ourselves out of or in to.

Time and time again
I gave in to the voices that said I couldn't run
that it wasn't even worth trying.
Time and time again
I believed the lie that I should be ashamed of how I look
and the lie that there was nothing I could do about it.
Time and time again.

But there also comes a time to listen to Truth
to hear the voice of Him who made me
the Voice that says I am precious in His sight
the Voice that says He loves me just as I am
the Voice that says He sees me as beautiful
no matter how the world sees me
That is the Voice worth listening to
That is the Truth I must hold fast to
Time and time again.

And so today, I will run my first race. I've already run two straight miles so I know I can do it. Two dear friends will run by my side. Other friends will run ahead of me but I know they're cheering me on. Still more friends will be in the crowd to support me and the others who run. I'm almost in tears as I write this. The love and encouragement that I've received from others has been nearly overwhelming at times.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, running is changing my life. It's changing how I view myself, how I view others and even how I view God. I sense a new confidence in me, not an ego, but a confidence to see myself through God's eyes. He is giving me confidence in His view of me, confidence to believe that how He views me is really the truth.

I see others differently too....I find myself encouraging others to try running and I feel a deep compassion when I see fear or hurt in their eyes as they tell me they can't run. I get that. I've been there. In some ways, I'm still there. And I love them more and more. I want to shout from the rooftop, if I can do this, so can you. The hardest part is telling those voices in your head to shut up and then getting started.

And it's changing how I view God and my relationship with Him. As I run, I sense Him changing me, showing me things about Himself. And I find myself crying out to Him more and more.

So do I consider myself a runner? Not yet, but I'm getting there. Perhaps today's race will help with that. If not, there's always next month when I'll be doing my first 5K.

Okay folks, here I go.....TIME TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

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