Sunday, November 06, 2011

Two years ago today....

....I wrote these words in my journal. Praise be to God for miry pit He brought me out of!!!

11/6/2009 – Broken dreams, a heart that hurts, confusion, even frustration. Disappointment in me, in others, even in God. I feel like I let God down. Maybe I even feel like He has let me down. Overwhelming sadness. Wondering if I can feel joy again. It’s like there’s a weight pushing down on my or holding me back. I want to step out in faith, I want to get out of the boat but I’m being held back by this oppressive weight. And I get so consumed by the sadness, the negativity and confusion that I lose sight of Jesus. And maybe that’s the reason for my let down or disappointment in Him because I wonder where He is.

Where are You, Jesus?
Where are You when my heart is breaking?
Where are You when confusion, sadness and negativity are pressing in?
Where are You when the tears are flowing and it seems like they will never stop?
Where are You Jesus?
Will You wrap Your arms around me?

My life is a mess with broken pieces scattered all around – can You take over?
Can you take the broken pieces of my heart, my life and be my Healer?
If I fall on You, will You catch me?
Do you have a purpose for me?
How do I trust You?
How do I live a life of faith?

There’s so much I don’t understand and so much hurt in my heart – I don’t know what to do. I need You and yet I feel so far from You. Oh Jesus, I need You.

Would You run to me?
Would you hold me?
I want to see You.
I want to know You.
I want an intimate relationship with You.
I want to trust You fully.
Show me how, Jesus!

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