I long for good conversation. To ask the questions rolling around in my head. To speculate about possible answers. To joke around. To laugh. To feel carefree.
Sometimes it feels like I'm always "on." Being watched by someone. There are always people around who are looking to me as a role model. Counselors who are looking to me for how they should act and respond to various situations. Campers who see me as an authority figure and someone to look up to.
In time, I'll find ways to relax and unwind. It just takes time.